Morrissey – Manchester Calling

• 10th Feb 2005

Some saddo Mancunians have been calling for the hermit like misfit Morrissey to make a return to his native Manchester, and have launched an online petition to try and persuade him to make the move.

The organiser told the Manchester Evening News,

“We were talking about the wonderful changes in recent times in Manchester and how the one thing missing from the city is it's most famous and most talented son.

“We discussed ways of tempting him home, such as promising to force all butcher's shops in a five mile radius of his home to close down.

“But we settled on the Internet petition idea so that fans from all over the world could join in and help to end this terrible situation.”

“There's no point in trying to hide from the truth. It is up to the people of Manchester to get online to sign the petition and let Morrissey know that we miss him and need him to make the city complete.”

What next? A petition to bring Cilla Black back to Liverpool? I'd sign one to keep her away – even though she would probably oblige anyway.