OK, imagine the scene. You are absolutely clattered at Glastonbury, not quite sure how long you’ve been there or who you came with. Your phone is dead so you have no hope of finding any of your friends, even if you could remember what they look like. And you just can’t understand how your supplies have dried up so damn quickly. All you do know is that even if you had ten Glastonbury’s to find it you would still be no nearer your tent, so it’s all about digging deep to source enough charm and cohesion in order to get a random and needy girl to let you stay in hers. ‘Of course I love you Marleen, can we go to sleep now? No, please don’t do that. I’m really very tired.’
In the hope of redemption, or at least sanctuary from the conveyor belt crowds outside, you stumble into one of those weird tents on the outskirts of the festival that you will never find again and probably wouldn’t want to. And there before you, is Eugene McGuinness. Of course you don’t know it’s Eugene McGuinness and you don’t really want to know because this music doing your nut in and reminding you of how absolutely clattered you are. What looks like a topless juggler comes on stage to do the last song with him, but it’s still very far from being good even though the juggler might be your only hope of temporary accommodation. Now you’re thinking!
The topless juggler doesn’t want to know even though she would clearly be punching above her weight if she got you. Who does she think she is? You leave the tent, even more depressed about how you got into this situation in such a short space of time, with that horrible, ghostly, bohemian juggler’s music going round and round in your head.
Incredibly, 11 months later, you have convinced yourself that the whole experience was amazing and get your credit card out. ‘But wait’, you think, and reach for the nearest Glasto guide, to make sure Eugene McGuinness isn’t playing. You may be a car crash hedonist but you ain’t that stupid!
Here’s where you can catch Eugene Mcguinness in the UK:
Sat 23 June Leeds Nasty Fest
Sun 24 June Glastonbury Festival
Fri 6 July Wye Fayre festival
Sat 4 Aug Manchester D-percussion festival