Album Review
HEARTSREVOLUTION – Choose Your Own Adventure
If a CD comes with free stickers it means two things. First, the music inside is not good enough to gain your respect in its own right. Secondly, the band involved are so cheap that they won’t compensate you with anything better than stickers. I honestly feel I deserve greater compensation for wasting over three minutes of my life listening to HEARTSREVOLUTION’s shameful single Choose Your Own Adventure (C.Y.O.A), an electronic abortion which even Kraftwerk would look down upon.
In Marlon Brando Porsches Hondas and Me, Swiss rockers Favez (a much better band, listen to them instead) sing about ‘when we’re spared the classic Eurobeat of some over-titted bimbo undressing in the heat’. This description suits uninspiring b-side Domino Effect, however C.Y.O.A. is unbelievably even worse. It has all the subtlety of a hole being drilled into electronic cables, and incidentally it probably sounds the same, with the beyond inaudible lyrics equating to the dying words of the operator of said drill.
This is all made even more disappointing when you hear Prism Effect, a track featuring Cory Kennedy (no I don’t know either), which – pretentiousness aside – is actually quite impressive. Why HEARTSREVOLUTION didn’t ditch the other two tracks and release this on its own (or at least make it the a-side) is beyond me, although it is difficult to envision what was going through the heads of the New York duo when they thought it was a sensible idea to record C.Y.O.A. in the first place.