Fight For Your Write To Party

• 5th Feb 2008

It was suggested to me recently (by a musician, obviously) that all music writers are either failed or wannabe musicians.

That was about a fortnight ago, and as I've just got my breath back from laughing, I thought I'd examine that theory. At least from my own point of view, cos it's my blog.

First of all, let's look at some of the things that writing about music and playing music have in common:

1. They both involve an appreciation of music.
2. They both involve going to a lot of gigs.

That's about it.

I can think of a few more things that are closer to being in a band than writing.
Here are some things that are more like being in a band than writing:

1. Being an actor
2. Being a session musician
3. Going on X Factor
4. Being in a choir
5. Being a producer
6. Being a soundman
7. Being a DJ
8. Being a busker
9. Being a music teacher
10. Being a stand-up comedian

So, off the top of my head, ten things more like being in a band than writing. Ten things I'd be more likely to have a go at, if I were so inclined. Some of them require skills I realise I don't have, but equally have never really tried to hone either. Who knows? Maybe I'd be a natural at some of them. But I never tried. Do you know why? Because I don't want to. I want to write.

Now, let's see if I can think of ten things about writing that make a love of music more enjoyable than being in a band:

1. No carrying stuff all over the place
2. No waiting around sober for hours
3. Nothing to memorise
4. The ability to go solo at all times
5. No using someone else's words
6. No stage fright
7. No seeing the same band at every gig
8. No twinge of envy at seeing another fantastic band
9. No shit reviews
10. Transferable skills

Believe it or not, that list took me under a minute to compile. Maybe there are more, there probably are, but I've got a blog to get on with.

The one that really divides the writers from the performers, in essence, apart from the obvious inclination either to perform or not to perform, is the point about other bands. In my experience, nobody is more difficult to share an enthusiasm about a great new band with than someone else who is themselves in a band. As it has been explained to me by a musician, “when I'm in a band I don't want to hear other bands that might be better than me, I have to believe that my band is the best band in the world, otherwise what's the point?”.

Writers aren't like that. Writers love hearing great new bands, and the more the merrier. I couldn't do with hearing the same songs night after night after night and thinking that's as good as it gets, even if they were MY songs.

Point 10, about transferable skills (I'll give you a second to look back at the list).

Ok, as I was saying, point 10 about transferable skills – I love writing. Writewritewrite, all day, every day. I also love music. Listen to music, see music, sniff music. Love music. Combining these two things is fantastic, but it's not essential. I can write about something else, whilst listening to music, and I'll be almost as happy. I can enjoy these two things individually, because I love writing as much as I love music, for entirely different reasons. The fact that I want to write about what I love is not a massive step, but the two can be enjoyed separately. If I had to drop writing, and take up playing instead, at gunpoint, I'd be pretty pissed off. And not just because I'd be at gunpoint, but also because I love writing. Writing and playing are like painting and football – completely unrelated enjoyable passtimes, but not equally to everyone, and never at the same time.
Does that make sense? I'm guessing you're nodding but I can't see you because this is a blog.

So there's that. All that.

And finally, and this is important so I hope you're listening, bands don't live the dream. Or most don't, anyway. At beginners level, bands have loads more fun than writers. Take Band A. They're hanging about with three of their mates all the time, all their other mates come down to see them, there's no pressure, just the blind optimism that fame of Oasis proportions is on the horizon. They'll probably get a few drinks tokens, get paid for gigs, and possibly sell a couple of CDs a time. If they're good, they'll get to read nice things about themselves in local magazines and they'll know they deserve the praise because they're the next big thing. But, if they stick at it, there isn't necessarily any advancement to be had, and they can stand still for years on end and get very frustrated.

Of all the bands and writers I've ever met, it's the writers who are enjoying themselves more. Because the more they enjoy themselves, the more likely they are to write nice things about it, and the more nice things they write, the better it is for the bands. Simple eh? It's in everyone's best interests that a writer be a fan, with a pen, having a great time. They don't want to be performers, most of them don't even want to be seen (which is good because they're mostly hideous).

Now I'm not saying writers are more worthy than musicians, oh nonono, far from it. But what I'm trying to say is that we're quite happy being on this side of the stage. You know what they say: Those who can, do; Those who can't, teach; Those who don't want to, but can string a sentence together and have an unhealthy obsession with music, write.