Commander In Bikini

• 4th Nov 2008

Well it's that time of week again where I write my editorial. I'm all alone in the office, no Mat shouting at me, no Kieran beatboxing, no Laura to discuss the cup a soup diet with and lastly no Alec to mock and throw things at. So as I sit all by my lonesome here are a few things I've been pondering…

1.The Presidential Elections. This has to go at number one as… well it's far more important than anything else I'm going to mention, seeing as it will shape future history an all. So Obama v McCain takes place today, remember you're voting for 'your commander in bikini' oh, sorry no that's Paris Hilton.

2. False Eyelashes. Yep I've noticed a cetain amount of girls wearing false eyelashes in the DAY. Why would you do that? There is a time and a place for falsies and it's during the night in a club, not during the day while shopping, unless you're a drag queen. As Amanda said in Ugly Betty ' friends don't let friends do glitter before noon' and neither should they let them do false eyelashes before 7pm.

3. Russell Brand (fittie) and Jonathan Ross. When will this end? It is the most drawn out nonsense. Ok fair enough it wasn't the nicest thing to leave a message telling someone you'd slept with their Grandaughter. So apologise have your hands duly slapped and don't do it again. Or better still as it was pre-recorded just don't broadcast it- genius. Obviously the Grandaughter isn't bothered as she is now raking it in hand over fist selling all the gory details to any tabloid that will listen, surely this must be just as upsetting for her Grandad? The only good thing to come out of this is that wossy is off our screens for the time being, saving us the cringe worthy interviewing tactics of basically leering over all his female guests and arse-licking everyone on his show. Parky would never do that!

4. Christmas. Woo Hoo! I can't help it, I know it's barely even bonfire night but I'm already writing my Christmas list. Also I've been a very good girl this year so Santa please bring me all my presents. I know Christmas isn't just about prezzies, it's also about killing and eating all those Turkeys that have been bred merely for Christmas dinner and spent their year in a cage. It's about baby Jesus and the Nativity, but we're not allowed to have Nativity plays any more incase it offends someone. It's about putting tat in a shoebox and sending it to someone in Ethiopia, why would they want a Marks and Spencer gift set? They don't, it's just so all us greedy folk can try and ease the guilt of spending so much and being such greedy beasts over Christmas. I think I've just talked myself out of Christmas, especially the bit about the Turkey. Think I'll have tofu and lentils for my Christmas dinner.

5. Working Over Christmas. Yep let's carry on my rant, why do they make people work over Christmas? It's insane. Let's give a big thankyou to all the people who work in shops, who are forced into working over the Christmas period and get absolutely no appreciation. Not only do certain shops want to keep raking it in on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve, they open on Boxing Day and New Years Day aswell. I find it a disgrace. Shopworkers want to enjoy their Christmas aswell you know, instead of spending it with customers. Also who would want to go shopping on Boxing Day and New Year's Day? Why would you do that? My theory – some people can't bare to spend time with their families so they just need to get out of the house. So my plea is be nice to the staff in shops because they don't work over Christmas through choice – it's in their contracts (sneakily hidden) and stay at home on Boxing Day and New Year's Day- spend some time with your loved ones.

6. I Want A Puppy. I do, I want a puppy but I know I'll get one for Christmas and by New Year it will be in the dog's home. Ok that's a bit harsh I wouldn't really put ickle cutsey puppy in a dogs home, I'd dress it up as tinkerbell instead- that's far more humane. Seriously, I do want a puppy but I know I'll get bored and it'll be too late then because I'll have it for for another ten years at least ( how long do dogs live?) And I'll have to house train it, which I can't be bothered doing and take it for walks- it's too cold, so my Mum and Dad would end up looking after it. Also, dogs cost money- there's food, dog shizzle -like a bed, a lead and so on, then what if he needs to go the vets? So I guess that's something else I've just talked myself out of!

The office has filled up now so I think I'll maybe do some work 😉

On the site this week……

Live reviews from Los Campesinos and Bombay Bicycle Club, Cd reviews from the likes of Shinedown and Binario. An exciting competition to win tickets for this years Gigbeth in Birmingham, which will have bands such as Young Knives, The Guillemots amongst many more, so enter it you never know- but get your skates on coz it's this weekend! Also we have the latest videos from The Bookhouse Boys and This Is Radio Freedom – two of my favourites. And as always the hottest gigs around, Peter and the Wolf, Deaf Havana and Gabby Young & Other Animals.