Live Review

Misstallica – O2 Academy, Liverpool

• 26th May 2010

Metallica have been my favourite Band since I was 11. I have seen them live a bunch of times and remained a fan even during the darkness of the ‘Load / St Anger’ era when they wallowed in a quagmire of self indulgent tepid rock. So, it was with some excitement that I made the sojourn to see the US’s ‘Misstallica’ at the 02 Academy on Tuesday.

Local boys ‘Absolence’ opened proceedings and put in a worthy display of heavy riffing tracks. It makes you proud to see these guys hit the stage like a greased cougar from the planet big bollocks – metal is alive with razor sharp teeth when these guys deliver their donkey punch of sonic delight. Next were ‘Zuproski connection’ and they have had some decent support acts of late with Testament and Senser; they were nothing but impressive. The singer climbed onto the PA to spew forth doom-laden tidings with vitriol and bile while the rhythm section was tighter than Anne Widdecombes Bra strap. Would have been nice to see the Band interacting with the crowd a little more as they looked at the floor a lot, but other than that a solid performance and I would like to see both Bands again.

At last it was time for the ‘Misstallica’ to hit the stage and the sublime ‘Ecstasy of Gold’ reverberated over the PA in a rapturous cacophony over operatic singing. It went bad from there.

First song was an interesting choice of ‘Hit the Lights’ and the obvious comparisons aside, Misstallica could definitely play. The sound was a little off here and there but they had the songs down pretty well, a few stumbles aside. OK, lead singer Gigi is no James Hetfield but she sang well with a guttural tone that will no doubt require some Beechams when she gets off stage….when she remembered the words. It was an absolute disgrace. A 90 minute set of obscure Metallica songs delivered with all the gusto of a slug writhing in a tub of salt. Being a tribute Band should be easy – people already know the songs and have paid good money to hear the classics. Misstallica decided to say ‘Fuck you’ to all the Metallica fans by only playing lesser known songs from their first 4 Albums. Now OK, I don’t expect ‘Broken, beaten and Scarred’ to be on the set-list but I do expect ‘Battery’, ‘Master of Puppets’ and ‘One’ to make an appearance, and that’s just from the early Albums. There was no ‘Enter Sandman’, ‘Fuel’ or the mighty ‘One’ and we were exposed instead to renditions of ‘Trapped under Ice’ and ‘Leper Messiah’, good songs in themselves but a whole set of such tracks? Playing Orion in its entirety was simply dull, magnificent song that it is notwithstanding. Don’t they realise they are there to entertain people…that they are on stage…that they are a tribute Band?

So, why don’t Metallica play a full set of lesser known songs? Because the 10’s of thousands of Metallica fans want to hear ‘The Memory remains’ and ‘Wherever I may Roam’ and these fans pay for the mansion mortgages and rehab clinics for the Band – they would be fools to turn their backs on them. Misstallica have no such problems with being good to the people who pay money to come and see them. They are happy to take your cash and not even have the courtesy to do it with a smile.

More than this, the Band just don’t seem to care and are just going through the motions. The Bassist Teddi Tarnoff is particularly static and dull to watch. It’s like she caught short with an early curtain call and has a turtle head – any movement will spoil her knickers still further. She got as far as taking two steps to splutter backing vocals and then retreated to the side lest people see her…..not like she’s on stage at a gig or anything…!!!! Why are you onstage at all if you’re not interested in entertaining people Teddi? Its better you stayed at home and washed your underwear I think, never play onstage again – you just don’t cut it.

Lead singer Gigi had a little banter with the crowd but wasn’t too fussed about entertaining people and creating some rapport – you got the feeling it would be too much effort, much like learning the lyrics the songs properly. I was so disgusted that she didn’t know the words to creeping death I had to go outside and dry heave. In the final analysis the only reason Misstallica have any success at all is because they are female and thus a novelty. They are decent musicians but have no interest or desire to do anything other than be a crap novelty tribute band which is a shame as they could be so much more.

Overall, the two local opening acts ‘Absolence’ and ‘Zuproski Connection’ are strong Bands with good material and I would certainly go and see again. With just a little more direction and perhaps commitment, both could take it too the next level – a real source of pride that they are from Liverpool. Misstallica don’t deserve to be on the same stage.

Misstallica are arrogant, boring and are the worst tribute act I have ever seen.

1/5