Big Tits Zombie Review

• 22nd Oct 2010

How does one constructively review a film called Big Tits Zombie without losing any kind of professional respect? Not that this reviewer had any professional respect in the first place, I hasten to add. The answer I came to was simply to carry on regardless and thoroughly enjoy the experience!

So, on to Big Tits Zombie. The rather imaginatively derived title actually comes from the infamous manga called Kyonyu Dragon. Why the original title wasn’t kept if the film wanted to be taken at all seriously, I do not know, but what an absolutely glorious title this British release of the film has! The vague plot of the movie revolves around Lena Jodo (played by renowned Japanese porn idol Sola Aoi) who after a stint in Mexico needs to find work. Lena ends up in a down and out strip bar among a motley crew of other down and out strippers, all played by other notable Japanese porn actresses. Yes, this is one classy yarn. During the monotony of yet another day without punters to take their clothes off too, or, for that matter, sumo wrestlers to eat food off their naked bodies, the girls happen upon a hidden door in their dressing room. Naturally, with nothing else to do, the strippers decide to dilute their boredom by exploring where this door can lead. The resulting basement contains many artefacts, including (of course) a copy of the Book of the Dead and a rather out of place looking ancient well. With all the infinite wisdom possessed by the group of exotic adventurers, they decide to read from the book – enter zombies. What follows is a rip-roaring ride of decapitation, chainsaws, crude make-up effects and minimally titillating gratuitous nudity. All of which rocks!

Caught somewhere between The Evil Dead, Planet Terror and a Rus Meyer film, Big Tits Zombie is actually a pretty tame and non-offensive affair. What is on offer though is a piece of J-cinema which is hard to criticise due to its unashamedly obvious lack of production values – this film is the epitome of ‘low budget’ and bad taste. There are some laugh out loud moments however. Some of the zombie effects are humorous, watch out for the ‘super zombie’ towards the end, and there is a rather inappropriate flame-throwing zombie which can only be marvelled at. To say I ‘LOL’d’ is an understatement and this scene will stick with me for aeons to come. The added touch of some of the movie being shot in old-skool 3D gives the film added charm, although the copy I received came with no glasses (very annoyed by that!), so I cannot comment on the quality.

Some people will absolutely loathe this film and will not see how it possibly could warrant an international release, but I’m of the feeling that this film’s honesty will see it through and win affection; it really doesn’t take itself seriously and Sola Aoi is pretty damn hot! This film would be ideal as part of a sleaze fest and if it does take, it could prove to have the potential for cult status, such as the marginally better made movies such as Robo Geisha and Machine Girl have become in their native homeland and are starting to become on UK soil.

Dan Beadle

Big Tits Zombie is out now.