Machete Blu-Ray Review

• 21st Mar 2011

Machete barges onto Blu-ray and the results are varied, but ultimately pleasing. You’d think a film that is meant to look and feel a bit crap has no business being put on Blu-ray but to get all that grimy, grainy goodness on high definition doesn’t take anything away from the experience. It just makes it look all the more theatrical.

The story seems concerned with paying homage to 70s something-ploitation movies where sex and violence go hand in hand but, the film-makers are also trying to get a bit of a message out there about immigrants living and working in America. To be honest that whole subplot gets bogged down and stretched out to the point of boredom you often wonder why they bothered.

It could be a strong dramatic point, but very few scenes here are too worried about drama and very few characters are worried about taking it seriously either. We are here to see colourful characters beat all manner of shades of crap out of each other and, for the large part, the film lives up to those expectations.  With a little trimming of the dull scenes in between (‘cause the film makes random sense in where Machete’s path leads him) we would have a tighter and funnier film.

Jessica Alba cannot act to save her life, or is it Biel. Alba, Biel, whatever. One of them can’t act to save their life and quite why they insist on appearing in so many films in so many forgettable roles is beyond me. One of them (at least) is here anyway, doing some shit and acting as one of the many (and we mean many), toned and youthful fancies for Danny Trejo’s Machete to get his dirty old hands on! And we wouldn’t deny that of Trejo. The man has paid his movie debts off and has finally been given a lead in his own film and is supported by a truly impressive cast that stretches from Don Johnson to Robert De Niro. Hell, even Steven Seagal pops up in an extended cameo as one of the main villains.

The ladies of choice outside the above mentioned include Michele Rodriguez who doesn’t look a day older since she first hit the big time, is in incredible shape, and gets a very OTT montage of using big weapons at the end of the film. Less successful is the appearance of a self-depreciating Lindsay Lohan in a role we still haven’t quite figured out yet. But she is there, if only to get naked and then appear in a nuns outfit at the end.

In fact many of the roles are there for looks, stances and oddball scenes along with little thought gone into dramatic effect. Cheech Marin pops up as Machete’s brother and is just as quickly disposed of making you wonder what the bloody point was? Same with Tom Savini who comes and then just disappears (although the deleted scenes depict an alternative outcome for his character as well as a few that were deleted all together, including Rose McGowan).

The action is at its best when Trejo is ripping the intestines out of people or whipping bodyguard’s faces with weed whackers. It is at its worst when it is just a crowd of people running from left to right with random gunfire going off.  Sadly it is the climax of the film that is the least impressive of it all, seemingly just stitched together for the sake of it. But don’t let that spoil your entertainment – it is still a great laugh in much the way that The Expendables was last year. Don’t expect movie gold or the rewriting of any book – just enjoy.

The extras consist of the above mentioned deleted scenes and an audience reaction track (which is perhaps the most perplexing thing to put on a disc). Sin City had one of these. I guess this is the equivalent to buying a live album.  You get to hear the crowd cheer but it doesn’t quite have the same effect with film.

Steven Hurst