Comic Book Movies 101: Judge Dredd

21st Apr 2011

Rob Schneider. That’s all anyone has to say to me if I dare to remember this film as being any good. Yes! Every now and again I get the urge to slip on either Stallone’s Demolition Man or Judge Dredd. The former is clearly a decent guilty pleasure – the latter was just… well… let’s look and see shall we?

The opening gives us a few nasty matte shots with people inserted. The yellow credits perhaps are meant to evoke the lettering of the comic. Steven De Souza’s name appears in the credits – if you’re a fan you may suddenly remember the likes of Commando or Die Hard as being among his writing/directing credits; and if you’re not, you might think of Street Fighter.

The effects are very ropey in places (despite the design efforts going into the layout of Mega-City One). Things aren’t helped by James Remar being completely wasted in a role set up purely to give Dredd someone to blow away in the opening. I hate this scene. Dredd is commissioned to execute law breakers on the spot. He does this to Remar’s street punk after reading him the list of violations he’s committed and the sentence each carries. But he only pulls his gun after he in turn pulls his gun on Dredd. I hate this in every good guy/bad guy showdown – the good guy only draws his gun when the bad guy draws his first. But here’s a chance to go the full uncut Han Solo by having Dredd just blow the guy away anyway. Clearly the script and the laws of the judges require it. But Hollywood films sadly dictate that we can’t have our heroes ever appear unsympathetic – therefore we must have a bad guy draw on the hero first. Hate it, hate it, hate it!

Not long after into the film Dredd removes his helmet. Stallone is just not a good Dredd. I don’t care if they did give him bright blue eyes. Next he’s set up for the murder of the bad guy from Lethal Weapon by his twin brother Rico (well, more like clones-in-law than anything else as we find out later) and found guilty. Rico is a former judge who Dredd judged and sent away to prison. But a friend on the inside has helped him escape and they set about putting Dredd away for good.

Of course on the way Dredd manages to escape and after a run-in with a cannibal family (probably the best thing in the film), heads back to Mega-City One to prove his innocence. But only after going after the bad guys.

Diane Lane is rubbish in a terrible role as a fellow judge. But I can look past that. Max Von Sydow is usually always cool and he perhaps gets to walk away with his dignity intact – but sadly that walk for his character means heading to the Cursed Earth. Armand Assante is actually too bad as the Rico. Despite not really looking like Stallone, he wasn’t a poor choice considering. You also get a nice cameo from the late Ian Dury (clearly bad comic book movies were his thing as he also appeared in The Crow: City of Angels after this, and died in that too!).

Oh shit, did I forget Rob Schneider? I tend to do that – which as I mentioned is the reason why I keep thinking I’ve been too mean to this film and always come back to it. Then I remember this guy is here to ruin the fun by being the most annoying sidekick since the last time I saw an Adam Sandler comedy. Schneider pops up in the opening sequence and is with us to the bitter end.

To be fair – I will defend Schneider in the likes of Big Daddy and maybe even as the “You Can Do It” guy, but enough is enough. I can only take so much of his air-bound antics, and here he is a screaming sidekick too. Apparently he’s there to be told plot points and react to action. In other words: he’s the audience. To paraphrase Ferris Bueller’s reaction to being busted by a French maître d’: I’m sorry but if you’re going to represent me in a film it’s not gonna be by a guy like that!

So with such a rich source material and no belief in it we get a clunky film that chugs along with poor humour, annoying tics and runs out of steam before the end, very much like some old rusted banger. You had your chance Sly. Now “I Am the Law” and you are under arrest!