Cinema Reviews

Transformers: Age Of Extinction Review

2nd Jul 2014

It’s almost a pointless venture these days to hand out criticisms of the world that Michael bay has created for the Transformers. The incoherence, the pure drivel that is character development, the horrid dialogue, the even worse “wacky” comedy side-kicks. The frantic editing, the panning, spinning and falling camera shot, and let’s not forget the all the US Flag porn. Oh god! the US Flag porn indeed!

It’s pointless because the third film in the franchise broke a billion. And that film came off the back of the second film (Revenge of the Fallen) which was one of the worst reviewed films in cinema history. No instead of slumping, the franchise hit an all time high. So it seems criticisms are not going to even slightly graze the success that Transformers 4 will have.

So instead of retreading the above comments (and believe me they are all in full effect here) let’s instead just law out what this one is all about.

So Marky Mark, in the peak of his fitness, plays a farm based inventor with a hot blonde daughter that the camera likes to perv on. He has the world’s most annoying motor mouth idiot sidekick this side of, well the last Transfomers film. And it also turns out that the hot daughter has a hot young boyfriend that dad will spend the entire film falling out with, but respecting by the end. Oh and they are broke and about to loses their land. Like any of this cares right? Where are the damn robots?

Glad you asked. So it’s been some years since the last film – and the fall out of that has seen a few political officials grow sterner ideals and have decided to exile all the transformers they can lay their eyes on. And those that do not go willingly as hunted down and brutally executed. Nice huh?

How does that fit in with our pointless lead actors? Well whilst out collecting junk, Marky mark gets an old clapped out truck (full of bullet shells?) and discovers that it is indeed Optimus Prime. Once he’s out of his semi-coma they get together just before the army arrives to destroy the house and chase them across the country as fugitives from the law.

But luck is ij hand – there are a few other Autobots out there they can meet with and decide where to go from there.

Kelsey Grammar (who we do like) is the head political guy barking orders, whilst Stanley Tucci (on scene stealing form) is the man responsible for inventing brand new versions of their own transformers. His pride and joy that he is about to launch is called Galvatron (Ringing bells anyone?).

And then the action really starts to get out of hand. Trust us – the effects look largely very good. The action itself is often confusing, never engrossing – but will keep fans very happy indeed. At least this time you can tell some of the robots apart – thanks in no small part to some rather two dimensional applying of character traits, multi-ethnic accents and some primary colours.

So it all goes a bit Roxette and …well, Crash – Boom – Bang.

The Dinobots show up late, and roar a lot. The damn American flag keeps appearing like it hasn’t got a home to go to. The human characters run and sweat – often in slow motion. The robots cause Man of Steel sizes of epic destruction, and Transformers 5 is surely just round the corner.

This is perhaps their best stab at the franchise so far – but it is also the longest. At 165 minutes it is easily an hour longer than it needed to be. But even then it would still be trite. But as we say at the beginning. It won’t matter. This one is going to be a big fat hit.