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The Glasswerk Innapropriate Valentines Mixtape 2013

• 14th Feb 2013

St. Valentine’s Day – famous for the 1929 Chicago based massacre of notorious gangland leaders and also vaguely related to something about love. We’re more excited about the Boardwalk Empire references to be honest. If you’re feeling a little low this year with nobody to call your own, check out Top 10 Inappropriate Valentines Mixtape tracks and roll down those windows, crack this on the car stereo and screech around your local area wailing like a lunatic at the happy couples.

1. The Bronx – Heart Attack American
Just to ease you in, a thrashing snarling ode to breaking up from California’s finest punk and rollers. If this doesn’t make you feel like smashing up your local restaurant, nothing will.

2. The Police – Every Breath You Take
A classically creepy track about stalking your ex wife from the man who also penned tracks about schoolgirls and bared his disturbingly pale torso in Dune.

3. Nine Inch Nails – Closer
There’s not much to say about this one other than that it probably wouldn’t have gone down well at the Village Hall dance in your Nan’s day.

4. Radiohead – Creep
A small, ginger man with a bug eye and a seemingly autistic ability to write genius like music surprises the world by declaring that he is, in fact, a weirdo.

5. The Bloodhound Gang – I Hope You Die
Jimmy Pop spills his guts on this starkly honest track about an object of hatred. There’s no simpler way to say it than the resounding chorus of I Hope You Die.

6. Dead Kennedy’s – Too Drunk To Fuck
Let’s face it guys, we’ve all been there. You’ve wined and dined and taken it too far, will you never learn? Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.

7. Flight Of The Conchords – Business Time
The boys from New Zealand hit the romance nail on the head with this track about the true joys of a long term relationship. Keep those Wednesday’s free ladies, Jermaine has a busy diary.

8. 50 Cent – Surrounded By Hoes
Old Fiddy has a hard time of it. He’s been shot 9 times, he’s got terrible dental work, he finds it difficult to fit into those tiny vests he wears, and judging by this track he is literally surrounded by hoes. Shit son.

9. David Bowie – Queen Bitch
A tale of unrequited love from The Thin White Duke as he mourns over a high society fashionista seemingly out of reach of his spindly musical fingers. Come on Dave, you can do better than that.

10. Los Campesions! – Songs About Your Girlfriend
This suitably adulterous number is guaranteed to get your love rival soothing, especially the line about having “my hard hands over her soft spots soon” – don’t get mad, get even.