Glasswerk Guide to the Carling Weekend

• 26th Aug 2004

So it’s almost time to go to the Carling Leeds Festival and seeing as Glasswerk will be there in force (all four of us – if I can find a mate to go with that is) I think it’s fitting that we give you some semblance of a guide as to who to see this weekend. However being late night space cadets our choices will not be based on such worthless ideals as music – but on other more important factors.

Fit bands to see:
Ash – would you? Obviously.
The Distillers – she does things to me. She gives me needs.
Auf Der Maur – ginger but the antithesis of Mick Hucknall.
The Donnas – I’ll have all four of them in a kebab please.

Ugly bands to see:
The Darkness – really? The spandex look isn’t catching on is it?
The White Stripes – sorry Meg, nice rack but you know…paper bag and that.
Har Mar Superstar – hey he looks like me. What is he doing in this category?
Peaches – delightfully dirty.

Bands to get mushroomed to:
LCD Soundsystem – New York’s finest blips and bleeps.
Stereolab – ten albums and still creating the shapes.
Buck 65 – you need a pound of Mushrooms just to get through one of his sets.
The Open – …only if you can take the claustrophobia.

Bands to get stoned to:
Jurassic 5 – sunny stoners.
The Roots – roll up a fat one and watch Scratch make funny noises.
Goldie Lookin’ Chain – get down to the front with the rest of the chain ‘ed’s.
Roots Manuva – British hip hop you don’t stop.

Bands to go and see if you lose all your mates:
Secret Machines – prog rock relaxation.
Amplifier – intense Mancunian head fuck.
My Red Cell – weird angular angst.
The Kaiser Chiefs – Leeds homeboy rock.

Bands to drill rusty nails into your head to:
Dillinger Escape Plan – this ain’t music. It’s the sound of a drill
The Wild Hearts – are these still going? The 80’s finished twenty years ago.
A – old people should know how to wear their caps properly.
The Shins – oh will you lot just go AWAY!

Bands to shake yo’ ass to:
Franz Ferdinand – Scottish bum sex.
Dog’s Die In Hot Cars – infectious like a verruca. I don’t want to like them honestly.
Supergrass – classic festival fun…if you like that sort of thing.
The Hives – sharp dressed Swedes throwing a party Ikea style.

Bands to over indulge in pharmaceuticals to:
FUCK OFF back to the dance tent you twat and get out of my way!