Vampire Boys Review

• 4th Oct 2011

Vampire movies always have a tendency to flirt with homoeroticism. When you have Tom Cruise sucking on the neck of Brad Pitt it’s hard not to raise an eyebrow at what might really be going on there.

And so, with the continued baffling success of Twilight with its sappy lovestruck vampires we have the inevitable DTV knock-off’s. Rather than hinting, this is an all and out gay vampire movie. As if you couldn’t tell by that DVD sleeve.

Caleb is a young gay man who has recently moved to Los Angeles and started college. He falls under the sights of vampire Jasin. He and his brotherhood are running out of time if they don’t find ‘the one’ and Jasin is positive Caleb is the fresh meat that they need.

It’s a bonus to have something unique in the central romance: male vampire falls in love with a human male but the execution is downright disgraceful. First off the script is full of clunky lines that are delivered with less conviction than you’d expect at a high school theatre production. Jason Lockhart as vampire Jasin is completely clueless, I think he’s trying to put his own spin on how a vampire acts but it is so terrible it’s funny. Christian Ferrer as Caleb fares a little better but he seems to be unaware he is in a vampire movie. His reaction to finding out Jasin is a vampire would be on the same level as to being told what supermarket he shops in. To be fair, Kristen Stewart done about the same in Twilight and she got away with it. Ferrer plays the cute campy character well but it’s all on the one level, if this wasn’t a vampire movie then it might have worked. As it stands the romance that supposedly is everlasting between these two is as about as engrossing as a wet fart. Meanwhile the rest of the cast have very little to do except stand about with their tops off (which is just as well as its torture listening to them act). Ryan Adames as Caleb’s roommate who has a crush on him is the only one who gives a performance resembling creating a fully rounded character but of course he is pushed to the wayside early on so we can get to the daft vampire storyline.

Director Charlie Vaughn doesn’t even seem to be interested in hiding the fact the film is low budget and often I found myself asking myself have all the various outdoor locations just been filmed in his back garden?

I don’t know who, if anyone, is going to enjoy this movie. There’s enough good gay movies in circulation nowadays that this won’t even register as a must see for gay men, it’s not even soft core erotica. It’s neither as scary as a lacklustre episode of Scooby-Doo, so horror fans are out. And it’s not even worthy of the so bad it’s good title for those into that kind of thing either. One that everyone should avoid.

Extras:

Behind-the-scenes: Oh, turns out he did shoot all the different locations in his back garden. In one day. This making of is actually funnier than the film as we get to see one of the supporting actors get all worked up about motives of the vampire he is playing. He and the director talk about playing with audiences expectations. Anyone who pays money to see this film sure will be having their expectations toyed with.

Stewart McLaren